The Dramaturg, a bombastic speaker who, by sheer force of personality, appears to Know Everything.
THE DRAMATURG
The thesis for today: This is a play.
Or is it?
We discuss!
He rings a bell or affects some other pompous noise. Maybe blows a conch shell.
A gaggle of Important Thinkers on the Question of Theatre emerge – robes and mortarboards, ect. Much chatter. Much excitement.
THE IMPORTANT THINKERS ON THE QUESTION OF THEATRE
(variously)
- Where do you put the act break? That’s what I wonder.
- It never reaches an end. It just goes on and on.
- The narrative seems a bit too circuitous for my tastes.
- … the failings of the episodic structure…
- I don’t like the in-jokes. The in-jokes make some of these impossible to understand.
- How does he expect to achieve a seventy-foot Giant Bear anyway?
- If the narrative is open-ended, there’s never any resolution.
- I don’t like the stage directions. There are too many stage directions.
- …an abundance of metaphorical characters…
- Mythological figures erupting out of nowhere is just odd.
- Characters just disappear.
- I never know sometimes what he’s trying to say with all this.
- He’s no Chekov…
- He’s no Ibsen…
- He’s no Williams…
- He’s no Shakespeare…
The names begin to swirl of who he’s not – O’Neill, Pinter, Moliere, Marlowe, Greenberg, Wasserstein… on and on and on until the tumult becomes almost unbearable.
The Guy finally emerges with an airhorn. He blows it.
The Important Thinkers on the Question of Theatre are silenced.
THE GUY
Of course it’s a play. It’s MY play.
THE DRAMATURG
But do you honestly think anyone will actually ever DO it?
THE GUY
Well…
A hesitation. Uncertainty creeps in.
THE GUY (cont.)
Yes. Yes I do.
This throws the Important Thinkers on the Question of Theatre into a flurry of chatter.
The Guy blows the air horn again. Again, they are silenced.
THE GUY (cont.)
I’m not afraid to use this thing. So you guys better keep a lid on it.
THE DRAMATURG
This thing you’ve created is already spinning out of control. There is no end in sight, no structure to speak other than the arbitrary assignment of dates to everything, no clear construction of ideas, the cast list is ridiculous, there are scenic requirements that boggle the mind, stage directions that could only be accomplished by CGI effects, and ultimately a narrowness of focus that seems to be borderline egomaniacal.
THE GUY
Maybe.
But I like it.
I’d go see it.
And isn’t that the whole point?
To make the things you haven’t seen because no one other than you could make it?
The Important Thinkers on the Question of Theatre think about this, importantly.
THE DRAMATURG
I find your oversimplification of the argument to be distasteful at best.
The Important Thinkers on the Question of Theatre each take out airhorns and blow them with the Guy. The Dramatrug is blown off stage by the force of the noise.
THE GUY
That was fun. Let’s go get a beer.
The Important Thinkers on the Question of Theatre cheer and they all go to get a beer.
The lights go down.
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4 comments:
LMAO
I do know a couple of Dramaturgs that ascribe to different approaches than destructive criticism, but I know I've met this guy somewhere...
Mike/Tug
you like beer? ya think you like beer as much as me? we shall have to see, shan't we?
distasteful at best.
that's funny.
It seems like today, people rely on critics to ascertain whether they like something or not. I admit I used to read reviews of films I was going to go see, and that's not good. The power of media...
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