“you haven't mentioned your love of roller coasters in the play yet. that i've seen. life is like a roller coaster duh. cliche but true. could just be for fun. you could specifically mention it not being about life being like a roller coaster. even though we all enjoy the ride.”
–condensed from an online conversation with my friend Karl
5.10.2007
Two chairs center stage – a man and a woman occupy them.
On one side of the stage is The Guy. On the other is An Important Thinker on the Question of Theatre.
The couple is on a roller coaster. He’s scared. She’s not.
THE GUY
Today I’m going to write about roller coasters.
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
Oh my God.
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
Daniel…
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
No, seriously, oh my God.
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
We haven’t even started moving yet.
THE IMPORTANT THINKER ON THE QUESTION OF THEATRE
Roller coasters? Are you serious?
THE GUY
Yes.
THE IMPORTANT THINKER ON THE QUESTION OF THEATRE
As a metaphor, it’s embarrassing.
THE GUY
Just wait.
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
I don’t understand how you like these things.
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
I love them. And you will love them, too. Trust me.
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
I feel like I’m going to throw up.
THE IMPORTANT THINKER ON THE QUESTION OF THEATRE
I can see where this is going.
THE GUY
Your feedback isn’t really helping.
THE IMPORTANT THINKER ON THE QUESTION OF THEATRE
You’re going to make some blanket statement about how life is just like a roller coaster – ups and downs but in the end it’s worth the ride. Or maybe relationships are like roller coasters. Something will be like roller coasters. It’s overused.
THE GUY
Can you shut up? I’m trying to write this.
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
The hardest part is the first drop.
THE IMPORTANT THINKER ON THE QUESTION OF THEATRE
See? Heavy-handed.
THE GUY
Shut up.
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
I avoided these things my whole life. I mean, like, right now, my palms are sweaty and I feel like my chest is going to just pop.
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
It’s gonna be fine.
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
I can just see this whole line of cars just jump the track, and there we’ll be, gliding through the air to our eminent demise…
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
You’re such a drama queen sometimes.
THE GUY
Just give me a second to sort this idea out.
THE IMPORTANT THINKER ON THE QUESTION OF THEATRE
Sort this idea out? Are you kidding? We’re here watching this, and you haven’t sorted this out yet?
We hear the click of the coaster beginning its run. The couple responds.
THE BOY ON THE COSTER
Oh my God.
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
This is going to be fantastic. Don’t worry.
Under the following, we hear the clicks of the coaster climbing the first big dip.
THE GUY
Every day feels like this.
THE IMPORTANT THINKER ON THE QUESTION OF THEATRE
Like this?
THE GUY
I type the date on a blank white screen, and it’s like hearing those first clicks and starting to climb.
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
This is the worst part, Daniel.
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
oh my god oh my god oh my god
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
The anticipation…
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
I am so gonna throw up…
THE GUY
It’s not about life, and it’s not about relationships. It’s about this. The anticipation of a day meaning something.
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
Once you drop, it’s like everything falls away…
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
You know how much I love you, right?
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
How much?
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
This much. I love you this much.
THE IMPORTANT THINKER ON THE QUESTION OF THEATRE
There’s too much going on in this play.
THE GUY
I know. I don’t care.
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
Open your eyes. You have to see what the world looks like before you drop.
THE BOY ON THE COASTER
Oh God.
THE GIRL ON THE COASTER
You can see everything from up here.
The clicks stop. Then, the sound of the coaster rushing down. The Boy on the Coaster screams. The Girl on the Coaster squeals with delight.
They freeze.
THE GUY
There. Done.
Until tomorrow.
The lights go down.
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