2.2.2007: In Celebration of Groundhog Day

The Guy appears, dressed a groundhog.

Photographers, onlookers, goofy tourists with Groundhog Day T-shirts assemble around him.

The Master Of Ceremonies appears – a rotund fellow – who’s here to get things underway.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Ladies and gentlemen! If we could all gather around, we can get things underway.

People gather.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
We’ve been waiting all winter to find out whether or not our friend, the Groundhog, is going to see his shadow or not.

The Guy pulls The Master of Ceremonies aside.

THE GUY
Hey. I’m not actually a groundhog.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
We know that.

THE GUY
I look stupid.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Well, you are a groundhog.

THE GUY
What am I doing here? This isn’t a play about me. These are supposed to be about me.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
It is about you. You’re the Groundhog. This is Groundhog Day.

THE GUY
It’s not even a real holiday! It’s one of those pseudo-holidays that are really just excuses for dumb news filler and treacly Hallmark Cards.I’m nto doing this. Find yourself another Groundhog.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Wait!

The Guy pauses. The Master of Ceremonies gets suddenly philosophic.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
(to the Guy)
Look. It’s all just a ritual of comfort. People want to think we live in a world where a groundhog can come out of the ground on a rainy February morning and make the seasons change faster. It’s just the kind of people we are.

THE GUY
Right.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
See those two?

He points to a young couple – a typical cute young couple obviously very much in love – wearing Groundhog T-shirts.

THE GUY
What about them?

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
They’ve been seeing each other for three years. He met her in college, they’re both English majors. She’s in grad school now. He’s teaching high school. His parents adore her, and they’re planning to take a trip to Nebraska to meet her parents in March.

He’s got an engagement ring in his pocket. She thinks they’re just here to watch some goofy little superstition that’s got too much media attention.

If you see your shadow, the ring stays in his pocket. You say spring’s coming, he pops the question.

People need to believe in a world where small things matter. Winter’s gonna last as long as it lasts no matter what you say you see. But life might change for them because it’s Groundhog Day.

A silence.

THE GUY
I still look stupid in this suit.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Hey, we’re a small holiday. Money’s tight. And just be glad it isn’t Arbor Day.

A drum roll. There’s a stir in the crowd.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
(to the crowd)
Now let’s find out whether or not spring is on the way!

Everyone is suddenly held in rapt attention.

The Guy looks down at the ground.

THE GUY
No shadow! Spring is on the way!

The young man from the cute young couple smiles a broad smile.

Everything is suddenly possible.