The Official-Looking Narrator appears as The Guy returns, chasing the Carrot (still played by an actor with a puppet).
THE OFFICAL-LOOKING NARRATOR
Carrot. A Theatrical Metaphor, Extended. In Which The Carrot Gets Told Off.
THE GUY
Alright alright ALRIGHT!
They stop mid-chase.
CARROT
What?
THE GUY
You know what, Carrot?
I’ve been chasing you around for a couple weeks now. Trying to be a nice guy. Trying to call you. Hang out with you. Hell, just go to a restaurant and eat food with you.
Not even anything like making out or being romantic even cuddling on your couch. Not anything like that. And I can’t seem to get you to answer your freaking cell phone! Or send me a stupid text message!
I’m just trying to be nice to you!
So you know what, Carrot? I’m not doing this anymore. I’m not following you around anymore like some dumb pack mule. Because you’re not a nice Carrot. I don’t even like Carrots!
I have reached the end of my patience with a vegetable like you.
And since you are a theatrical metaphor, and not a real carrot at all, I’m going to change you.
Because I can.
Because I am the playwright.
Because you are no longer worthy of being called a Carrot.
You are an asshole.
And the Official-Looking Narrator removes the carrot puppet and gives the actor an asshole puppet.
CARROT NOW AN ASSHOLE
That’s harsh.
THE GUY
Tough.
THE OFFICIAL-LOOKING NARRATOR
Carrot. A Theatrical Metaphor, Extended. The End.
The lights go down.
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2 comments:
this one is starting to remind me of someone...I've been chasing you around for almost a couple of weeks now...trying to be a nice guy. Trying to call you. And I can't seem to get you to answer your freaking cell phone! Or send me a stupid text message! I know you told me not to but how can someone not take that personally?
You know, lately a lot of carrots have been turning into assholes. Maybe there should be a carrot recall.
But hey, assholes CAN be just as good of a snack as carrots. I wonder how well they go with ranch dressing???
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