Virginia Guy sits center stage, a hulking behemoth of a fellow, engorged on his own self-adoration, surrounded by carcasses of other people’s opportunities. The only time he comes up for air as he sits there stuffing his fat face is to make demeaning comments about people in the audience.
VIRGINIA GUY
argh argh argh ugh argh ugh fuhg gruh grugh frugh gruff frugg argh
That’s what he sounds like when he speaksin this play, because I unfortunately can not translate the unique sounds of Asshole to English.
The Guy appears as Virginia Guy continues to be obnoxious and offensive.
THE GUY
Hey. Virginia Guy.
VIRGINIA GUY
argh fugh argh
THE GUY
Keep stuffing yourself on yourself and you’re gonna pop.
Virginia Guy grunts and ignores The Guy.
The Guy puts on a raincoat, rain hat, galoshes, and opens an umbrella.
Virginia Guy eats away.
There’s a rumbling noise. Virginia Guy’s eyes open wide.
Suddenly he pops. Virginia Guy bits go flying everywhere. There’s gonna be parts of him in your hair for weeks to come.
The Guy smiles.
THE GUY
What an asshole.
The Guy goes.
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5 comments:
Hey Cody--this is a great idea. Keep up the good work! I've got you RSS'ed. Thanks for the shout-out.
Cheers,
JLE
(aka...Virginia Guy?)
hahaha okay this one literally made me laugh loudly to myself in an empty room.
empty, minus my dog, who has just now vacated the premises.
i don't think my dog likes theatre.
I thought Virginia Guy was some woman for a while, then I realized my mistake. Also, funny observation: Asshole eating food. If Jonathon Elliot is really the Virginia Guy, I wonder what it's like to read a play about yourself...
WOW...I know I've dated...not even dated...I've seen guys like that...but if I can't bring you home to meet my family, we're doomed from the start!
The charming answer
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