4.1.2007: Allow for Irregularities

The Guy and The Playwright Temp.

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
What did I tell you last time?

THE GUY
I know. I know. Emergencies only.

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
Emergencies only. Correct. Is this an emergency?

THE GUY
I think so, yes.

And the weirdest thing occurs. The Fella appears.

THE FELLA
I love you!

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
Oh shit.

THE GUY
I know.

THE FELLA
I totally love you. Seriously. I. Love. You. I feel exactly for you what you feel for me. And I’m not even exaggerating. I have found myself opening up to you like.. like… like an I don’t know what, but I am open! And my heart is just flooding over with this desire to be with YOU!

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
(to the Guy)
You are such an asshole.

THE GUY
What are you talking about?

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
This is such a thinly veiled attempt to get him to like you again.

THE GUY
Oh, piss off.

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
It is!

THE GUY
No such thing!

A new weird thing happens. Icarus appears without wings, but this time with a bag , sunglasses, and a plane ticket.

ICARUS
I’m not flying today!

THE GUY
What?

ICARUS
Not flying today. I woke up and thought to myself, “Fuck that. I don’t feel like dropping a couple thousand feet into the water.” So I left the wings at home and I’m flying to Guam. American Airlines. Round trip.

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
(to the Guy)
What are you doing?

THE GUY
I told you. I’m not doing anything.

THE FELLA
Do you love me?

THE GUY
No.

THE FELLA
Yes you do.

THE GUY
No I don’t. Stop it.

THE FELLA
I love you.

THE GUY
No. You don’t.

THE FELLA
Yes I do. Do you love me back?

THE GUY
Oh, Jesus Christ. Stop it.

ICARUS
I’m not flying today!

THE GUY
We know. You told us.

ICARUS
American Airlines. Round trip!

THE GUY
We know!

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
I don’t know what you did…

THE GUY
I didn’t do anything!

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
But this is seriously screwed up…

Suddenly, all the remaining actors emerge as some character in the play that they’ve played, and they behave in a manner that they shouldn’t. The effect is one of chaos – loud, energetic, and pretty fun to watch.

The Guy looks hopeless here. The Playwright Temp looks on in wonder.

THE GUY
What’s going on?

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
You’re the writer! You tell me!

Then, there is a loud toll of bells. Everyone stops acting oddly. For a moment, silence.

The Guy turns to the Fella.

THE GUY
Do you love me?

THE FELLA
Um… no.

THE GUY
Are you sure?

THE FELLA
You’re my friend and all. But I don’t… love you.

THE GUY
Good. That’s good.

ICARUS
What am I doing here? Where are my wings? I have to fly today. I’m late!

Icarus leaves in a hurry to grab his wings and fly.

THE PLAYWRIGHT TEMP
Weird.

THE GUY
I know.

An Actor steps forward.

AN ACTOR
Instructions from the Playwright!

The actors all become alert. An actor produces a hand written note.

AN ACTOR
“To Be Read to the Actors at the end of the play on 4.1.2007: April Fools Day. Allow for Irregularities.”

The lights go down.